Weddings are usually one of the most special days in someone’s life, but the pressure of wanting everything to go just perfectly can put a lot of stress on the situation and lead to drama, especially within one’s family.
Unfortunately, one bride-to-be learned this the hard way. Posting to Reddit’s popular “AITA” subreddit, the woman spoke about a dilemma for her upcoming wedding.
She explained that she has a sister with autism who doesn’t understand boundaries when it comes to her fiancé, as she often tries to kiss him and will throw tantrums until he comforts her.
This led her to ask her parents to not bring her sister to her wedding, but they were shocked at the suggestion and called her selfish.
She wrote asking for people’s opinions on whether she was in the wrong to suggest that her sister doesn’t attend her nuptials since she wants her future husband’s full attention on their wedding day. The answers were mixed, with many understanding why she wouldn’t want her sister to attend, while others felt that family is more important than a wedding.
The woman’s post began by stating she is 22 years old and her sister, who she calls “Anna” is 21 and has “special need(s).” She explained:
“She has severe autism and while she is verbal most of her communication is ‘physical’ like sign language due to her social discomfort. She does speak around family though and has pretty bad cognitive skills. She can’t comprehend boundaries and lives with our parents so they can best watch her.”
The simple wedding and reception were to take place at her fiancé Michael’s parents’ barn and farm. After sending out invites, the woman told her parents that she didn’t want Anna attending since “she has an issue with touching Michael and trying to kiss him.” She added that Anna has had “really bad shutdowns if she wasn’t allowed to be directly next to him.” They’ve tried talking to her but since “she doesn’t really understand,” there’s only so much they can do. She wrote:
“I told my parents I just want one day for Michael to be my partner and not Anna’s comfort person. They called me selfish and asked how I expected them to agree to something like this.”
Her parents said, “Anna is disabled and may never experience a wedding of her own” and that the woman has her fiancé for the rest of her life, while her sister probably won’t have anyone.
The responses to the woman’s dilemma were mixed, but it appeared the majority of readers thought she wasn’t necessarily in the wrong. One person wrote:
“I don’t care if I get downvoted. You’re right, she is incapable of leaving your fiancé alone on the only day she needs to leave him alone. Best wishes to you and your future husband!!”
The comment garnered more than 37,000 likes, suggesting that many others agreed. Another user suggested they hold a celebration with her sister at a later date. Meanwhile, a third person wrote that the woman’s fiancé deserved not to be “sexually assaulted,” as they wrote:
“It doesn’t matter if she doesn’t understand, she still can’t do it. If your family won’t prevent her from doing things, th(e)n she isn’t allowed in those situations.”
But others felt the woman needed to learn to share, with one comment that said:
“Your wedding is special, sure, but family is more important. Do you really want to alienate your parents and sister because she doesn’t have the ability to understand her desires?”
In an update to her original post, the woman wrote that her parents told her they wouldn’t be coming either and that it was best she doesn’t “bring Michael around anymore since (she’s) ‘chosen some man over (her) sister.'”
They said Anna’s behavior was normal for a woman her age and that she doesn’t understand what her feelings mean. The woman then suggested that her parents “redirect (Anna) during the wedding but they said Michael is gonna be family to her and he needs to ‘get over it.'” Her suggestion of getting a trained professional to watch Anna during the nuptials was also shut down.
This led to a conversation about what would happen when the parents passed, leading the woman to reveal she would support her sister but doesn’t “want to put any more of (her) life aside for Anna” and that she “won’t be her keeper.” The woman then admitted she was concerned about what might happen when she has kids, saying if she is handy with her fiancé, what would her children have to go through?
This was too far for her parents, who told her she was “sick” for suggesting such a thing and hung up on her before writing a text that she shouldn’t “contact them until (she) could ‘do the right thing.'”
What do you think about the woman’s dilemma — is she in the wrong for not wanting her sister to attend her wedding or putting caveats on who looks after her while she’s there? Let us know your thoughts and pass this on so others can weigh in too.
