Apart from Sav Butler and his children’s doctor, nobody in the world knows “what’s in its diaper” when it comes to Sav’s two children. And the father intends to keep it that way until his children can themselves tell him what gender they identify with.
The 20-year-old transgender father refuses to tell anybody the biological sex of his children so that he can avoid imposing an “assumed” gender on them.
“I don’t want my kids to look back on their childhood and feel pain, which a lot of trans people have experienced and can understand,” said the stay-at-home parent, according to the Daily Mail.
At the age of three, Sav’s older child, Wesley, was able to express that he is male. And the father believes his newborn baby, Eden, will also eventually be able to express their gender after some growing up.
Until they can figure their identities out for themselves, Sav is putting absolutely no labels on Wesley and Eden.
“I’ve raised both of my children genderless until they can tell me what their gender is themselves,” Sav said. “I’m not raising them non-binary because that is a gender identity as well and the whole point is to not give them a gender identity.”
“I don’t want them to be referred to as something they’re not and have their memories end up being bad, I just want them to know that they are accepted,” the father from Maine went on to say. “It will also make them understand more about different identities and help them to find themselves quicker. I haven’t told anyone the assumed gender of either of my children because it’s none of their business – it’s only the business of me as the person who changes their diaper and their doctor. By three years old they’re talking and can understand and tell you their gender identity so they can tell people themselves eventually.”
Sav’s genderless way of parenting comes from his own experiences during his childhood. “I came out after I moved out at 18 years old, but I knew I was trans by the time I was five years old because I didn’t feel comfortable in my own body,” Sav said, as quoted by Metro. “I shortened my name and started hormone therapy, and I’m about to get back on hormones now that I’ve given birth.”
As a father of two, Sav has to constantly hear criticism about the way he is raising his two children. “When I refuse to answer what the ‘gender’ of the baby is, people are usually confused or angry,” Sav admitted. “They say it’s not my decision to make for the baby which is obviously hypocritical because babies have their genders assumed at birth every day.”
Currently, Sav continues to buy his children toys and clothes that are considered to be both feminine and masculine. “That way they can look back at baby photos that align with their gender and not be uncomfortable,” he explained. Both feminine and masculine pronouns are also used so that Wesley and Eden “can see what each feels like and what they like being called.”
“Even once they’ve expressed their gender identity I allow them to wear and play with whatever clothes and toys they want – Wesley likes both masculine and feminine stuff and that’s okay,” Sav went on to say. “I would be totally okay whether they are cisgender or trans, male, female or non-binary. I don’t care, and I love them no matter what.”
Cover image: Representational Image (Getty Images | Photo by Vera Livchak)
